Have you ever been asked for your advice, then given it and seen the person who asked you completely ignore it and carry on doing what they were already doing which didn’t work?
There’s a saying that you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink.
And I’m reminded of this on a daily basis.
I spend hours, days and weeks of my time producing tips, advice and guidance (often for FREE!) to anyone who needs it and yet so often those who need it most either don’t bother to read it or won’t take any action. Even when they’ve asked for it!
There’s magic in (mindset) coaching when I can help you to find a solution to your problems and you suddenly get that little light bulb of clarity. Knowing exactly where you were going wrong and precisely what you should do from now on. But I can’t MAKE you do it. You have to take action yourself. You know what to do – so why don’t you do it?
If something isn’t working then something needs to change. And unless we can identify what needs to change AND start making that change, it will remain the same. The same applies to every corner of your life. We all know how to eat healthily – so why don’t we? We know the right balance of work or study and relaxation time so why do we continue to do more of one than the other?
The point is, we know what we SHOULD do but we don’t always do it. Why? Here are six reasons why you’re not getting the results you want:
- There’s something called Secondary Gain. Sometimes it’s easier to remain stuck because you’re afraid. Afraid of not being good enough. Maybe subconsciously you like the attention you get by not being able to do it. Perhaps you’re scared of moving up to the next level where it might be even harder… There are a whole load of reasons why somebody might not want to solve their problems. There’s a better deal – a secondary gain – to be had by staying stuck.
- You don’t have time. Nonsense. We all have time – the same amount of time. It’s about how we choose to spend it and where we place our attention as a priority. Maybe solving the ‘problem’ isn’t as high a priority as scrolling through social media to check on your friends or sorting out your procrastination habit and becoming more organised so that chunks of time free themselves up…
- You don’t know where to start. That’s what the coach is there for. A proper coach will enable you to identify what you need to do and figure out the way to get it done. Little by little. Step by step. Setting and achieving goals along the way.
- You can’t afford it. Maybe the solutions you have come up with mean spending out on products or services to help you. If your goal is fitness for example, we can often fall into the trap of thinking we can’t do it because we can’t afford a gym membership. We know that other forms of fitness are readily available at no cost, yet choose to ignore them and stick to the idea that we just can’t do it. Why? Eventually you need to consider – can you afford NOT to? What is it costing you in time, money, energy, health, stress, not to solve this problem?
- It’s become such a huge problem that it’s overwhelming. Here again it’s about taking things one step at a time. You’ve probably heard the saying “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time” and breaking down your bigger challenges into smaller, more manageable tasks is the way to progress when things feel as if they are all too much for you.
- You do a bit of work on it and then give up. Why? Maybe it seems too hard. Perhaps it’s boring or you’re not seeing the results quickly enough. Here’s where you need to really look hard at the progress you’re definitely making, but probably not seeing. If it’s progress in training you’re not seeing, get someone to video you on a regular basis and go back and review them from a month ago. What can you do more easily now that you couldn’t do then? Make a note of your progress and notice how good it feels when you become aware of it.
We all have choices about solving what we see as problems. But every choice requires us to take action. So examine your motives for being ‘stuck’ and ask yourself two questions: What action do I need to take to solve this problem? And why am I not taking this action now?
And then, in the words of Nike – Just Do It!